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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.