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Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!