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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"