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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.