Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?