Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.