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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
I miss the life I planned in my head.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.