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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
Insert coin to view my status message.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.