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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
Long story short, I love summaries
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."