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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.