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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas