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You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.