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A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
there is no strong beer, only weak men
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?