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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.