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I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
drinks well with others.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.