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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)