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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
The police never think its as funny as I do.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.