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I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?