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I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem