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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.