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I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
I look so young for my rage.
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.