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I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.