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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...