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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.