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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.