Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I drink to make other people interesting.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.