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So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.