Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.