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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?