Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.