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I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....