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People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.