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Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.