Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.