Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
Being alive is so expensive.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"