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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.