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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)