Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have sā¬x.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office ā I will track you down. You have my Word.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop ā¦
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.