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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.