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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
What number SPF blocks people?
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Don’t jump to confusions.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.