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I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor