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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.