Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.