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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
I put the pro in inappropriate.
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
Soup of the day: Beer
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.