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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)