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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!