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Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.