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I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong