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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.