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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.