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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,