Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.