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Honk if you are reading this.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness