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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol