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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...