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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
I just made you think of an elephant
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.