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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?