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If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.