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The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Save water- shower with me!
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.