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I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"