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Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.