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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.