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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
If stress burned calories, Iād be a super model.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.