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Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift