Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.