Daily Silly Status

You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.

I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza

My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth

I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.

i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)

These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.

I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.

Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?

The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior

The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)

I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s