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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?