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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....