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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.