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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.