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If I truly posted what was on my mind ... IΒ΄d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: β€œwhat else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work