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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.