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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!