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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …