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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..