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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.
Home is where the alcohol is.