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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!