Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.