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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.