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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I have Beer.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.