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Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
What’s the answer to this question?
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.