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My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie