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Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
I say the things better left unsaid.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.