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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!