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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.