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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...