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Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I just awesomed all over the place.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.