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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!