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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!